Beep, Beep

It's late at night, just after 11 PM. I've had a bad day. I feel like crap. I am feeling sorry for myself. I can't seem to shut down my mind and yet I'm exhausted. Too many thoughts, too little me to process them. Will the day ever end? Will tomorrow be better?

BEEP, BEEP

I hear it in the distance. It's like a beacon in a storm. It calls out once and yet it lingers.

I'm sure you are wondering what went beep, beep. Its a watch. It has no band to keep it on my wrist. It doesn't technically belong to me, but its mine. It beeps every hour, 10 minutes after the hour according to my other clocks. Sometimes I hear it, sometimes I don't.

The watch belonged to Mark. It was in his pocket when he died. It beeped every hour in his pocket all night long. No one heard it, no one. I was given the watch and his wallet and most of the things that were on him when he died. So I suppose its mine now.

What does a person do with a watch you can't wear? I placed it on my desk, where it has been for two years now. At the suggestion of my mother, every time I hear the beep, beep I say a Hail Mary for Mark. I spend a LOT of time at my desk or at least in the school room. You'd think I'd hear it often, but I don't. When he first died I heard the watch every hour all day long. The pain was raw, it was so new. I needed something to help me get through the day without driving myself mad. The watch was just what I needed. Those Hail Marys were medicine to my wounds.

Why don't I carry the watch in my pocket? Now, two years later, I only hear the watch maybe once or twice a day. It doesn't even bother me I don't hear it or carry it because life is happening. Dirty diapers, loads of laundry, dishes and of course boys everywhere. I don't want to hurry through a Hail Mary while changing those diapers or washing the dishes. I want to hear the beeps when its time. When life has calmed and quieted, when I'm not being hurried.

Last night I heard the beeps. I calmed and I relaxed and everything seemed so much better. I said a Hail Mary and it was medicine for my wounds. I smiled and tried to sleep again. It must have worked.

Now its almost 10 AM and I haven't heard the beeps again. Life...sure does get busy at times. That's good...I won't have time to dwell on the fact that two years ago today was the last time I saw Mark's body. I can relive that day like it was yesterday, but I choose not to. I choose to live today, the dirty diapers, the dishes and all the boys everywhere. The watch reminds me I choose to live today, without forgetting the past. Thanks Mom for the watch, for the Hail Mary idea and for Mark.

Zoo times Two

We took our "zoo" to the nice family zoo about 5 miles from our house earlier this month. It was a great time as we had along some friends from church. The boys were excited about the baby hippo that just moved in and of course the alligators were a big hit. They even got to pet baby lemurs, an albino skunk and a young fox. Of course, my camera ran out of batteries after only a handful of pictures. Typical. We will be going back there later this month with another family. If I remember we will take pictures then too.

Brech loved the goats and the goats would have loved some of Brech's snacks.
One of the bears we saw. They have a quite a few bears for us to see.

Hot and Cold

Two days ago Darren brought home two window A/C units for our house. He installed them before he went to bed and all was well. The next morning he said he would like to see how much of the house they can cool down, so leave them turned near 70 degrees. Let me tell you - THEY WORK! We were all cold most of the day. In fact, I turned them to 75 degrees because Blase was complaining about being too cold. The day before we were sitting in 85 or higher degrees in the house and the next day its 71 degrees. Even last night I was sitting with a blanket because I was cold. Darren finally turned it to 73 for the night, thanks dear!

Here is a great example of the differences between Darren and I. Last night I slept with long sleeves, long sweat pants and two blankets. Darren slept in a tee shirt, shorts and no blankets. Same room, same temperature around us - I was freezing and he was roasting. Typical! Too funny!!

I have to admit though, I am pleased the humidity is gone from the house. It was getting bad. I am missing having the doors open all day and hearing the sounds of nature. I may have to turn the A/C off when the weather cools down a bit, like to 75 degrees. :)

Can't please us...too hot or too cold. No happy medium I guess.

Landscape Success

Our landscaping attempts are complete. It is safe to come visit us as we will probably not put you to work in the yard. :) Darren did a GREAT job with the blocks and border. I am extremely impressed and pleased! You are more than welcome to come visit and enjoy the fire pit with us this fall. Marshmallows and hot dogs for the kids, brats and beer for the adults. before by the garage

before in front of porch

after in front of porch and by garage -

there are flowers planted in the quarter circle area and in the front by the porch.

before in front by the downstairs windows

other side of basement windows

after in front of basement windows - I want to plant roses there.

before by chimney

after by chimney - not sure what I will plant there. It is very shady so many some shade loving flowers. I'd like to plant herbs, but I'm sure they won't get enough sun.

before by deck

after by deck - those hosta plants are from the front by the basement windows. The rocks are from our South Dakota rock collection we have been moving with us for all our moves. We are finally displaying them the way we intended. A piece of home wherever we go!

more by the deck

around the corner of the house

A picture to show you where the back meets side yard.

Darren building the fire pit area.

Finished product - BEAUTIFUL!!! The benches are from the old deck that Darren reused.

working on fire pit and pathway

The finished pathway with the new landscape by the deck.

Another garden peek

I thought I'd share how much our zucchini and pumpkins have exploded! They are going to be producing shortly. Zucchini anyone?? Looks like I am going to have lots of zucchini jelly to make this year!

The corn is beginning to tassel now. Stephen is excited about that. You can see the cucumbers right next to the corn. Darren was nice and put up some chicken wire for them. Now we can pick the cucumbers without too much trouble. I will start canning them this week.

Sweet Pea is 9

Before Blase was born I called him "Sweet Pea". I knew he had outgrown that nickname a long time ago, but it really hit me on his birthday. Can he already be 9?? Am I that old?? Where did all those years ago? I only have 9 more years and then he's probably going to move out. Crazy!! They sure do grow up fast.

Blase opened his gifts in the evening. I think he was excited about getting a nice shovel. He doesn't realize that means work.
He also received quite a few extension pieces for his electric train set. I am hoping to post a picture of his creation as soon as its up and running.

Blase will be a well-dressed kid as he received two shirts, a pair of sandals and a new coat.

Isn't he handsome, taco sauce on the face and all?

He requested a 4th of July themed cake. It had sprinkles instead the cake and yummy frosting with sprinkles. We already finished the whole cake, which is unusual for us.

He did blow all his candles out too!!

Birds and Cicadas

Here are the boys' latest treasures. I love it when they find a treasure, but sometimes I'm not too thrilled with what they want to keep. For instance - Stephen found this nest, baby bird and egg. I let him keep the nest, but NOT the birds. He was disappointed.

Stephen with his nest. His collection officially numbers three this year. He also has an empty hornet nest. Hummm...patience is a good thing when you have boys who collect EVERYTHING!

The poor little birds. I have to admit this was a cool science lesson.

Blase found these cidcadas on one of our trees out from. We were impressed with the one above. He made me stay as a lookout while he ran for the camera. He was certain it would fly away before we were able to take a picture.

This is one we found on the other side of the same tree. There were between 7-10 empty cicada skins. We have found them on flower leaves, trees and just on the ground. Last year Stephen, Cormac and Rex collected over 30 of them in one day. NO I did allow them to keep all of them. We already have one cicada skin and that is enough for me!