I Killed My Computer

 So, I killed my computer.  I fried my system board.  Then I bought a new computer, learned how to change out a hard drive, and thanked God for a good friend who walked me through the whole process.  I can't say that's the whole excuse of why I haven't posted anything.  It was September's excuse, along with school, work, and teaching a Confirmation class.  August's excuse was 30-60 hour work weeks and canning, plus starting school mid-August.  July's excuse was gardening, prepping for school, and work.  It boils down to I've been busy and my computer paid the price for my "hurry up and just get this crumb out of the way, oops". 

Hopefully I can find the time this fall to catch up on posting our lives.

Busy Few Days

Back in July we dug out a sleeping bag and a whole bunch of camping things for Blase.  He went on a Rocky Mountain Excursion with a group from the Rapid City diocese vocations office.  I wish I had his pictures developed so I could post them.  Soon - I promise.

In the midst of locating the things he needed we realized the shelter was in disarray.  Darren needed to move some things into there and there was NO room at the inn for anything!

 See?  It's a mess!!

So we spent an entire day going through every tote, box, corner, or bag to see exactly what we have in storage.  A lot of it is waiting for cold weather or kids to grow into it.  Some is decorating items that we haven't decided what we are going to do with yet.  Some is just junk.  LOL

The end result:

 Room to walk and room to store more junk.

This also served us well in the fact that we were able to locate a few things that Loman needed for camp - heavier shirts and a Camelbak for starters.  He had an okay time at camp.  I think we should have sent along more rain gear.  They got rained on quite a bit.

This picture is the only proof I have of 60 (ish) campers and seminarians, one priest and his dog, and our families at the Mark Park.  They are leaving after being fed a hardy hamburger meal and playing.  I hope they will be back again next year.  Note to self - make more desserts.  Teenage boys can EAT and EAT and EAT!

Going to Catch Up

I've decided I'm going to try to catch up the blog.  We've been very busy having new adventures and living a dream here.  I'm not sure how long it will take to update, but I'll keep at it this time.  Stay tuned......

Another After Midnight Tale

Another After Midnight Tale

starring:

 Karen as the "Scaredy Cat"

two worthless dogs

two "gonna be dead" deer

If you recall, last May I had a blog post about an after midnight overreaction story.  

Here's the link in case you do not remember: An After Midnight Tale  

This tale begins right around Midnight.  I had just gotten out of a relaxing bath and was finishing my second glass of wine and starting on my second book for the night.  I read like a crazy person, in case you didn't know that.  So I'm sitting on my bed wondering when Darren was coming home.  He was over having a couple of beers with my cousins, Greg and Jason, a few doors down.

I'm completely enjoying this book when I hear crunching snow outside.  It sounded like footsteps near the window.  At first I'm thinking it is just snow falling off the roof or maybe a deer.  I'm not too worried at this point.  I go back to the reading the book and sipping on wine.  About ten minutes later I hear more footsteps and closer to the house.  I'm pretty sure someone is out there at this point.  Then.......then someone coughs.

I'm frozen.  My heart is pounding.  I'm convinced someone is outside my window.

So I grab my phone and text Darren:

12:00 - There are strange noises outside.  Footsteps, coughing noises.

12:00 - To the south and east of the house.

12:01 - Didn't sound loud enough to be the dogs.  Faint.

12:01 - Hurry

12:01 - Heard them again.

The footsteps were moving toward the back door.

So by this point I'm pretty sure we are all dead.  I'm starting to think of how I'm going to protect us.  My pistol and my shotgun are in storage.  I have no way of protecting the children OR myself.  So I'm formulating a plan of attack based on my new huge Pampered Chef pan.  I'm thinking all the options through.

Then I called Darren.  He's not answering.

Called again, right away.  Still no answer.

12:02 - Are you coming?

12:02 - I hope it is just deer.

It could be deer.  Really it could be deer.  The only thing is that the dogs in the basement usually growl or bark when there are deer in the yard.  They didn't make a noise.  Worthless dogs.  They had to pick that night of all nights to not bark.  If they had barked I would have knew it was deer and I wouldn't have panicked.  Of all the nights for them to finally listen to me when I've yelled over and over again - "Stop barking!  It's just deer."

Then I decide to call Greg.  Greg answers - poor man.

I asked him if Darren was there and he said that Darren had left two hours ago.

Okay - stop the story!

I'm gullible when I'm panicking.

Okay - back to the story!

For about point two seconds I believed Greg.  Greg is my favorite cousin ever.  He is Darren's age, so like a big brother to me.  This is why I believed Greg - but only for point two seconds.

Then Greg said Darren was there.  So I explained to Greg that I heard footsteps and coughing.  He did tell me he has heard deer cough before.  I calmed down a bit.  Greg asked if I wanted Darren to come over and check.  I said I didn't think he needed to now that I know deer cough like humans.  Then the deer came close enough to the door for the motion sensor to turn the light on.  Sure enough....two deer.  Stupid deer.  Dead deer if I had it my way.  So I told Greg I could see the deer and Darren could finish his beer if he wanted to.  I could tell Greg was trying not to laugh.  I was no where near laughing.

So I texted Darren again when I got off the phone.

12:10 - Damn deer.  Shoot the lot of them.  Thinking of throwing the whole collection of kitchen pans at them. Damn deer.

12:10 - I need my gun.  Tomorrow.  And my gun safe.  Tomorrow.

12:10 - Maybe the 20 guage too.

12:11 - Damn deer.

12:11 - If it wasn't so frickin' late this would be funny.

12:12 - Damn deer.

12:14 - Throw a snowball at any deer you see on the way home.

12:14 - Stupid deer.

So at this point I poured myself another glass of wine to calm down.

12:21 - Grrrrr.  Stupid deer.

12:22 - I hope you all had a good laugh.  It is laugh-worthy.

Darren said he had read all my texts to Jason and Greg.  I was informed that Greg did defend me a bit saying that the deer do sound like humans coughing.  See - that's why he's my favorite cousin.

Okay, I did for a moment think that maybe Darren was out there harassing me.

I did think that someone was coming to hurt us.

Instead it was just two cold, hungry deer looking for somewhere to bed down for the night and something to eat.  I overreacted.  I jumped to the worst case scenario.  These poor deer were the victims of my Pampered Chef pan swinging threats.  

Though - if you see two deer hanging in Greg's garage - I had nothing to do with it.  Remember, my guns are in storage.  And I'd never shoot a deer out of season, in town, by myself, in the middle of the night. Honest.

The End.

An After Midnight Tale

An After Midnight Tale

starring:

 Karen as the "Scaredy Cat"

a cat 

a puppy named Rogue

Our tale starts at 1:30 AM.  Karen sees that the sky is beautiful that night.  The stars were bright and not a cloud in sight.  She decided that she is going to go outside to take a picture or two or three of the night sky.  Karen is brave because what you don't know is that the yard light is out.  It is pitch black outside.  She takes her phone and uses the flashlight to see her way out onto the gravel road in front of the house.  It's not too far away, but far enough in the pitch black.

Karen is amazed at the beauty in the sky.  She has always been a star-gazer and loves everything about a clear, bright night.  Here is a picture of the sky.

 Well, that was an epic failure.

Let's try again.

Ohhh, look there is something showing up.  It isn't anything like what the sky looks like, but at least it is light in the darkness.

Try again.

Well, poop.  Seriously disappointing.  

Who was she kidding anyway.  It's a cheap camera that probably won't catch the sky in its full beauty anyway.  What was that?

Seriously, what was that sound?

Oh, no - the wolf is coming to get Karen.

(Cue scary music played during chases/hunts in spooky movies.)

(Cue the close up shot of Karen running very fast in the dark.  She's too scared to turn the flashlight on her phone on.)

(Cue dramatic look over her shoulder.)

Our brave Karen has made it to her garage.  Wait, she's going back out???  WHY in all that is holy are you going back out there????

(Cue more scary music.)

ROGUE!!!  ROGUE!!!  Where are you puppy???!!!!

Karen turns on the flashlight and scans the horizon.  EYES!!!  Eyes by the shop.  Oh no, it's the wolf.  No, wait....false alarm, it's just the biggest black cat on the place.  Stupid cat.  Can't you see this is a scary movie...go away!!!!

ROGUE!!  Where is that puppy!!???!?!??

(Cue very sleepy puppy stumbling around the corner of the garage with a very not happy look on her face.  You know, if puppies could give you a very not happy look.)

Karen grabs onto Rogue's collar and drags the puppy into the garage.  Phew......

We are all safe.

Well, in hind sight - it was probably just a cow coming for a drink of water.  In the moment it was the wolf that had killed a neighbor's calf just a couple of nights earlier.  This really did happen.  There really was scary music - in my head.  There really was a dramatic look over my shoulder.  

The light is still out.  I'm not sure I'm brave enough to look at the stars at night, by myself, again.

THE END.

Shadow in the Sky

I'm not sure I've ever seen a shadow (the dark line) from an airplane track (the white line above the dark line).  It was really amazing to see in person.

I love wide open spaces!!

The Journey

For this 1000th blog post I thought it would be fitting to put up a fortune cookie of mine from this summer.  This blog has always been about the journey.  

The journey of motherhood.

  The journey of marriage.

  The journey of homeschooling.

  The journey towards heaven.

  I can now add in the journey of ranching to our blog. 

The journey is not smooth.  

Sometimes it is not pretty.  

The journey twists and turns, it climbs and falls down.  

The journey will end with my death.

Death is something I'm all too familiar with over the past decade.  Death has been part of my journey and will continue to be part of my journey.  With each death in the family I am reminded that my journey from now until death is just day after day of waking up and making a choice to love God or love the worldliness around me.  To love my neighbor or love myself.

The journey itself determines my end.

It is at this point I will post my favorite fortune cookie of all time.  Brech's -

http://treasuresforheaven.blogspot.com/2015/01/advice-worth-taking.html

Ha ha, well, what do I know anyway.  I'm just a pilgrim on a journey.  

I hope you take this journey with us as we embark on a new adventure full of cattle and crops, machinery and misfits (that's us by the way).  I hope the next one thousand blog posts are full of life and love as that will make the journey happy and fruitful.

Just Plane Excitement

I got very excited.  Can you see it??  It is right there.

 Right there....behind the tree.

You've got to be kidding me!  I take pictures at all the wrong times!!!

 FINALLY!

That was what the first picture was suppose to look like.

I learned something about myself.  I am a foamer.  I foam at the mouth about planes and trains.  Truth be told I foam at the mouth at just about anything with a motor.

Eggcellent Buddy

 Who is hiding in our egg carton?

Oh, it is just Bob, Blase's eggy friend.

 Bob is our last egg from Easter.  He's been a faithful and constant buddy in our fridge.  Time for Bob to find a new home - in the garbage.  Sorry, Bob.  You were there for us when we didn't need you.

(For the record - Bob was suppose to be made into pickled eggs, but we just never got around to pickling him and his egg buddies.)

Where Have We Been?

We have been busy.

We have been sick.

We have been working.

The boys started piano lessons again.  This time Cormac and Brech decided they wanted to join Blase and Rex.  Stephen had no interest in having to practice. ha ha  They are doing well, though we haven't had much time to practice.

Darren took Cormac, Rex, Brech, and Gianna for an extended weekend trip to the ranch.  They had a great time.  I made Brech promise me he'd come home. "Brech, you are so cute and Aunt Courtney loves you so much that she might ask you to stay with her forever.  Promise me you will come home 'cause I'll miss you if you don't come back to me."  "I promise, Mom."  First thing out of his mouth at 10 PM when they got home - "See, Mom, I came home."  Gianna's thrill of the weekend was getting to feed the bucket calves.  

Not that many days after Darren and the kids returned we started in on the week of frustration.  Everyone, except Rex who started it two weeks beforehand, took a turn puking and sitting on the toilet for hours.  The carpet cleaner saw a lot of action, as did the washing machine.  The worst day was probably Monday because that was the day that it decided to hit both Darren and I at the same time.  Long day.  Then that afternoon it started in Blase.  The three most capable people, out for the next two days. Thankfully the twins had already had their run-in and were recovered.  I am not sure how we would have been able to handle it if the twins were sick as well.

School has been going slow, but steady.  The kids have four scheduled weeks of school left.  I am certain that Blase and Stephen will need to work into the summer, if not through most of the summer on their math and science.  The other kids are doing great.  Brech could probably finish in 3 hours if I let him just work on his books.  I probably should find something else for him to do, but he is kind of burnt out on school right now.  I suppose the rest of the school days could just be watching school movies and doing fun things, like P.E. outside and nature studying as he runs by.

The kids are all back in swimming for the last session of this school year.  We have missed two session, one because of the SD trip and one because of the puking.  I am sure they will enjoy getting back in the water on Monday.  Cormac has been bumped up to the deep end, though he freaks out every time.  He is capable of swimming there, but he thinks he is going to sink to the bottom and freezes up.  His teacher has been working with him to get past that fear.  I have to say that watching him in the water gives me more panic feelings than he probably gets.  Nothing like fearing the water and panicking just because you hear your kid freaking out.  I've had to remind myself to breathe, relax and remember that I am not in the water.

So that is why I haven't posted lately.  I am sure you didn't want to see us while we were sick.  I'm sure a picture of the boys working on school would not be worth a blog post either.  Thus sums up our lives during the last part of March.

I do hope your Holy Week was full of blessings.  We had a quiet Holy Week and for that I am grateful.  

Modestly Beautiful

I requested a pamphlet idea on modesty on a group page on Facebook.  As it turns out some of the ladies suggested I write one.  Talk about feeling completely unqualified for a task!!  I couldn't find inspiration and no matter what I wrote it just didn't sound right.  So I decided to write a letter to my daughters. It isn't much, but it is my words and thoughts.  I thought I would post it here so I could have a record of it for when the girls get older.

Dear Daughter of the Lord,

What is beauty?  Beauty can be found in many things.  Beauty is a mother holding her newborn baby.  Beauty is a rose bud blooming.  Beauty is an act of charity to a stranger.  Beauty is a hug from your mom.  Beauty is found in a compliment from your dad.  These things are beautiful when shared and received.

Who is the most beautiful woman you know?  What makes her beautiful to you?  What makes your best friend beautiful? Is it the way she fixes her hair? How about the clothes she wears?  Is it the smile on her face?  Maybe it is the happiness in her eyes?  All of us are beautiful children of God.  Some of us have prettier faces while others have more beautiful hair.  This does not mean that those without the pretty faces and beautiful hair are any less beautiful.  You, my daughter, are as wonderful as can be because that is how God made you.  You are beautiful just the way He created you.

How does modesty enrich our beauty?  Is modesty only making sure your skirt is long enough or your shirt fits your body correctly?  No, modesty is much more than just what clothes we wear and how we wear them.  Modesty takes our God-given beauty and enhances it into elegance.  I want to give you some simple ways to practice modesty in other parts of our lives.  Even grown women need to do these things.  The examples will not include how long your skirt should be or any other guidelines like that.  You know what you should and should not be wearing.  You know why you should not be wearing them.  I trust you enough that I do not believe you will wear inappropriate clothing.  Remember when practicing modesty in these instances you will also help protect yourself against vices and sins.  A lovely woman who acts and dresses respectably will be respected by others.  You will be a blessing to those around you and an true example of the Catholic Church’s teachings.

Modesty in our speech will show others that we are sensitive to the feelings of those around us. This includes watching what words we say to others and with what tone we say them.  Our words should always be helpful, not hurtful.  You should try to compliment your friends and family every chance you are given.  We feel better about ourselves when we are told our smile is beautiful or the color of our shirt makes our eyes sparkle.  A young lady who is soft-spoken and kind with her words is a treasure to her family.

Modesty in our actions includes acting lady-like around others.  You will be more beautiful to the Lord and to others if your actions are thoughtful and compassionate. The young lady who practices charity, shares her laughter with others, smiles at someone, and is patient in difficult situations is far more beautiful than the top model who dresses in the latest fashions.  The beauty of the soul far outshines the beautiful of the body.

It is very important that we take care of our bodies.  Making healthy food choices and drinking plenty of water helps our bodies to look and feel better.  We should also get enough sleep so our attitudes are pleasant.  All of these things will help us fulfill our responsibilities to our family and God.  You cannot take care of others if you do not take care of yourself first.

When choosing what clothes to wear I want you to remember to pick clothes that are comfortable.  You cannot be a happy person in uncomfortable clothes.  We should dress ourselves for the glory of God and for the vocation God has guided us into.  If we are dressing to impress others then we are not being modest in either dress or thought.  A modest girl is not boastful or draws attention to what she is wearing.  We would not want to be the source of jealousy for other young women or gain unhealthy attention from young men.

We should always take care to be the very best example in all our actions, words, and attire.  I believe that some of the most beautiful women in this world are the women who worked hard all their lives, wear clothes at were considered outdated decades ago, and continue to sacrifice for those around them.  Their true example of womanhood is incomparable.  We are to be in this world, but not of this world.  We, as good Catholics, should hold ourselves to a Mary-like standard.  Our Blessed Mother is always depicted in modest clothes, but more than that, she was always a model of virtue.  If you try to be virtuous in your life you will automatically be modest.

You are already one of the most beautiful young girls I know.  Your love of God and your neighbor, your joyous nature, your appreciation of beauty shows how amazing of a child of God you are.  Remember that we love you just as you are.  You are a jewel in our treasure box.  You are a blessing in our lives.

Visitors for Brunch

 Kitty had visitors for Sunday brunch.

 Meet Larry, the minnow.

 Spot, the perch.

 Spot and Kitty spent some quality time sharing the same tank space.

 The look in his eye says it all...

who does that fish think he is?

 Larry, on the other fin, was more than happy to give Kitty his space.

 Poor Spot just never got the message.

Here I thought they were being cozy - but no,

Spot had got sucked into the filter intake and was stuck.

Spot didn't last long before he kicked the bucket.  Kitty was having none of that dead fish for brunch though.  We went to church and while we were gone Kitty decided to have Larry for a mid-afternoon snack.  It was quite entertaining watching the kids freak out about putting that poor perch in the tank with Kitty.  "Can't we set up the other tank for the perch, Dad?"  "I don't know anyone who has a pet catfish and a pet perch."  I guess all visitors will overstay their welcome at some point.

If You Give a Mom an Afternoon

 The Fire Hazard Formerly Known as "The Christmas Tree"

When the Christmas tree becomes a fire hazard you have to take the decorations off. 

When you take the decorations off a tree you have to put them away.

 When you put Christmas decorations away you might need to organize the boxes, 

label them, and put them in some nicely arranged order.

When you organize boxes in the corner you might feel compelled to organize a shelf or two.

 When you organize one or two shelves you might look over and see the other shelves are not in order so you proceed to box all the plastic plates, silverware, and cups in boxes and label them as well as all the napkins and tablecloths.

If you organize the plasticware in the house you might decide to organize the food as well.  

This happens to work out in your favor as your husband requests a Sam's Club shopping list.

This comes after a morning of this - as posted on my Facebook page this morning:

I'm not sure if I should call this a victory or a typical distraction in my life. I walked downstairs to get a Pepsi (slap if you want!). I heard the dryer going so I made a quick detour to see if the clothes were dry. They were so I moved clothes around and wanted to start another load. I'm down to two loads left in the whole house at this point - want. it. finished. So I decided to wash the boys' clothes so I didn't have to walk upstairs. I remembered that Blase needed to try on size 16 pants to see if he needs the slims or the regulars. I called him to do that then started to load the washer. Then I decided I should probably put away his size 14's so that he has room for the 16's. That led to going through all his drawers and putting away the summer or too small things. I found some items that would fit Stephen at this point. SOO, I stopped by Stephen's room to go through his clothes. That led to going through his junk drawer that is actually suppose to be his pjs/socks/underwear drawer. Then I found some things that should be in Cormac's drawers. That led to going through all of Cormac's drawers, including his treasure/junk drawer. By this point we have thrown away a few things, organized 8 drawers, and put away the treasures in the proper places. Then the dryer and washer were almost through their cycles. Prior to coming downstairs I had put some leftovers in the microwave. So I finally grabbed my can of Pepsi and went up here to eat lunch. So was that a victory? Or a distraction with benefit of accomplishment?

It is just a day for distractions with accomplishments I suppose!

Checklist

Last night I made this list so I wouldn't forget anything.  

The cell phone is missing from the list - so I forgot the cell phone.

The kids were obviously an afterthought, but I didn't forget them.

We pulled out of the driveway at 9:11 AM.  Not bad for us.  In fact we were early enough I could give the boys the "you will behave yourself or else" pep talk/threat.

It was a great meeting.  It was a beautiful morning.

Fourteen Years

I spent my 14th anniversary with my kids.  I suppose that is just as good of a way to spend an anniversary as any.  Darren called me and we talked for a bit.  Then my dad called and we had a wonderful conversation.

 Before Darren left for South Dakota he bought me yellow roses and sushi.  Two of my favorite things.  He does know me well.

Stephen surprised me with this ring he had made.  He traded something with Cormac for the ring and glued one of his polished rocks on top. It was one of the sweetest presents I have ever gotten.

Hi Dad

Hi Dad,

I just wanted to tell you thanks for checking my blog.  I hope you have a great week.  I love you.  God bless and good night.

me

Never Judge a Momma Without Getting to Know Her

You have all heard the "Never judge a book by its cover," saying.  If you just look at the outside or just read the description you miss the best parts of the book.  You miss the beginning of the story, the middle where all the juicy details are, and the end where you either laugh or cry.  Now if you aren't pleased by the end of the book, then by all means tell the next person not to waste their time.

I've meet women I've clicked with right away.  The minute I met them it was instant friendship.  We had so much in common that it was easy to get along.  The more like me a person is though, the less likely we are to click right away.

Then there are the women that the moment you see them or talk to them you judge them too frustrating for you.  Those are the kind where you think you don't need that kind of drama so you just pass them by.  You might also judge a woman because you will never be anywhere as awesome as she is or as popular as she is or a million other excuses you come up with for avoiding getting to know her.  This is the same as judging a book by its cover.  We all put on faces for public and it is hard to know a person after only one chance meeting.

I'm going to tell you about two times I have judged a momma without getting to know her and regretted it.

Meet my friend, Karla.  Hi, Karla!!  Karla is one of those ladies I judged right away.  Our story goes like this.....the first night I met the homeschooling mothers up here in Fargo that I associate with she was there.  She must have been having an off day.  We all have them.  No matter what I said she had something somewhat negative to say back.  I felt very welcomed by everyone, but Karla.  I went home that night confused.  Normally people like me...normally, unless they are related to me and actually KNOW me.  Ha ha ;-)  The next day I called my mom and told her about my meeting with Karla.  It bothered me.  What had I done to her to make her be so negative.  I hadn't even met her before.  I happened upon a saint quote about how if someone treats you ill you should return that with more kindness as they are probably in need of it.  I wish I still had the quote.  For all I know it said, "Smile at those you meet," and I just read into it.  I do that sometimes.  I was determined I was going to be the nicest person I could be to her, no matter what she said back to me.  Sometimes we all need a little more kindness in our lives.  I know there are days where I need just that little extra kind word or smile.

I was super nice to Karla that next time....and wouldn't you know it...she was an amazing person.  The more I knew about her the more I understood that, yah she could have been having an off day and I shouldn't have taken it personally.  Let me tell you about Karla.  She is part of "The Tribe" here in Fargo.  There are a group of us ladies that get together often.  We stay out all hours talking and healing and learning, crying and laughing and listening.  This tribe has been there for me like no other.  I have never had a support system like this.  Karla has been a crucial part of my healing process from the twins' birth.  She was one of my doulas.  She held my babies while I fought for my life.  She stayed there (Jessica, too) so my babies wouldn't be alone at the very beginning.  She was my strength when I was getting ready to push.  Jessica held my hand and coached me, but Karla was the one who looked me in the eyes.  Even before the twins' birth I dreamed that as long as Karla was there I was going to be alright.  Even in my dreams she calmed me down saying, "You can do this."  Karla is the type of friend who does not see limitations in others, only in herself.  We in turn do not see limitations in her.  We see strong women in each other.  It is always nice to have someone like that urging you on.  Karla is one of my friends who talked me through my pain and loss.  She worried for me.  She is a great, great friend of mine.  I have few great, great friends - but she is one of them.  Karla is a homeschooling mom of nine kids.  My kids have the bestest time with her kids.  Especially Brech Earl and Gianna who have "friends at mommy's friend's house."

Had I continued to judge that momma without getting to know her I would not be the woman I am today.  I would not have the support group I have today.  She has my back and I have hers.  Beautiful friendship.

Now, please, meet Becca.  She does not know I am blogging about her.  Here's hoping I still see her name on my Facebook friends list.  Hi, Becca!  Becca and her family attend the church we attended while living in Michigan.  I had seen her many, many Sundays, but never talked to her.  Her family sat in the front row and we sat in the back.  Her husband brought their adorable, but feisty son to the back and I always had my feisty kid in the back.  In fact, one Sunday I remember giving their son a holy card of St. Cecilia or some other saint to play with during Mass.  That is the most contact I had with them.  Becca's first girls were twins.  Right off the bat I knew I would never be able to compare myself to her.  She was already amazing and untouchable in my book.  I think at that point they only had four of their children and were expecting their fifth.  Her girls were polite, even if that adorable, feisty boy was a handful.  She seemed like a good person, but yet I judged myself to the point that I would never be good enough to be her friend.  What we would have in common anyway?  She had mostly girls and I had all boys.  She grow up with the people in the parish so she knew everyone and I was a transplant knowing only a few.  She never seemed frazzled and I had just gone through postpartum depression and frazzled was an understatement.  She would go her way and I would stay out of the way.  I doubted she even knew who I was.

Here's a funny side story.  I have kind of kept up with Becca because her cousin married wait, wait...this will get confusing so I'm going to type it out in a list....

My sister, Mauri, married Peter.
My brother, John married Maria.
Peter and Maria are brother and sister.
Peter and Maria's brother Joseph married Monica
Monica is Becca's cousin.
Clear as mud, right?
Now if you want to add a bit more mud to the mix - when I was a nanny in Maryland I met Monica and Becca's cousins from PA at the church I went to and was friends with them.  I tell ya - this is a small world.
(BTW - my sister, Juliana, is dating Peter and Maria's brother, Stephen.  Keep him in your prayers.  He just left for basic training.  I am sure Juliana and Stephen's family will miss him.)

Ok, back to Becca.  So anyway, I keep up with Becca through posts on Facebook from Monica and her PA cousins who I am friends with.  I knew she had had more kids and how things in general were going.  Not too long after I found out I was expecting twins, she found out she was expecting twins.  My first thought, seriously, was "Sure, now I will NEVER be good enough for her.  She has two sets of twins and I only have one."  It is sad how we feel like that when there is no reason to be like that.

After the twins were born she read my blog post story about the delivery.  If I were in her shoes I would have been freaked out.  She was still having to go through that.  She sent me a message and I'm not sure exactly how, but we ended up being added as friends on Facebook.  Did she add me?  Did I add her?  Those weeks are still a blur to me.

So guess what?  She's normal.  (I won't list how normal just trust me on this.)  She does the same things I do.  She eats, drinks and is merry, like I am.  She watches Doctor Who.  Seriously - Karla would instantly be your friend, Becca.  Just sayin' 'cause that's how amazing you are.  Becca has eight kids that she homeschools.  Becca cooks, cleans, reads her kids book after book.  Becca and I share some if not most of the same homeschool philosophies.  She watches Doctor Who.  (Yes, I know I mentioned that already, but it is that good I have to mention it again.)  She watches most of the same shows I do.  What it boils down to - Becca and I have a lot in common.  Even my sister said that Becca and I are a lot alike.

I regret judging that momma without getting to know her.  I imagine all the help she could have given me when I was expecting the twins.  I wish I could have all those years back that my stubborn pride or lack of kindness prevented me from talking to her.  I think her and I could have been good, good friends in person - yet now I must be satisfied with only an online friendship.

The moral of this post is that I judge mommas without getting to know them.  Don't make the same mistake.  Step outside of your comfort zone or practice a bit more kindness and you may be rewarded with a friend that would go the distance for you.  A friend that would help you, care about you, worry about you, strengthen you with their prayers, and be there for you when you need them.  Those types of friends are worth their weight in gold.

I will point out that I am labeling this post "worthless to most post" only because that is where I put the posts where I babble on and I feel that it was more for me to get off my mind than for anyone else's benefit.  Karla and Becca are far from "worthless to most" and I wouldn't want that to be misunderstood.  I've been told that my "worthless to most post" posts are usually some of my best ones. Maybe, maybe not.

Pharrell Williams Kind of Night

Some of you are asking who is Pharrell Williams.  He is the creative mind behind the Despicable Me song that talks about having a bad, bad day.  He is also the creative mind behind the Despicable Me 2 song talking about being happy.  I had a Pharrell Williams kind of night last night.

It started like this....I wanted to put my feet up.  A simple, much needed request after a long day chasing kids and cleaning.  Funny how when Mom wants to put up her feet every other set of feet disappears during dishes.  I didn't complain because I was going to put my feet up when I was done.  What's another 15 minutes?  I could handle it.

Then the trouble started.  I hadn't even finished the dishes when the onset of eight frustrating situations happened one after another...boom, boom, boom....keep it coming...boom, boom, boom...not done yet...boom, boom.

1st - the kids came upstairs saying there was water on the floor in the boys' room.

2nd - the water was actually coming from the hole in the floor in the furnace room.  I sucked up the water in that room as best as I could with the carpet cleaner.

2nd continued - on the way from the furnace room to the bedroom I had to let the carpet cleaner sit on the carpet so I could move something out of the way.  The carpet cleaner leaked rusty water that I had just sucked up onto the floor.  I had to clean the carpet in that area thanks to that.

3rd - the mattress on the floor was soaked with water so I needed to find a place to set it up and put a fan on it.  This is, of course, because a soaked floor is not enough.  Real patience takes adding a mattress on top of that.

4th - the fan was missing a nut on one side so when I went to grab it it fell apart.  I had to go out to Darren's shop to find a nut to hold it together.  There again, you need a little help to gain patience properly.

5th - I was making apple pie in the oven during all of this.  I had to keep checking them between sucking up water and finding nuts.  One of the times I tried to open the oven door it fell apart.  The handle came off, then the top fell off that holds the decorative door and the actual door together, then the decorative door came apart from the real door, and finally the decorative door fell out of its holder on the door frame.  The whole time the oven is still on.  I'm yelling for a little assistance because if I let go of the decorative door frame it would fall down towards the floor and it kept making breaking/bending noises I didn't think it was suppose to make, so I kept holding it.  (Yes, I turned off the oven by this point.)  With Blase's help I managed to get the door put back together without burning myself or him.

6th - it was at this point that the water started coming back up in the furnace room.  Down I raced to man the one-woman clean up crew.  This time I thought I would be "smart" (second mistake of the night, but not quite as bad as wanting to put up my feet) and attach the hose to the carpet cleaner and suck up the water from the actual hole instead of waiting until it spilled over.  I have never used the hose attachment before.  I figured I should hook up both parts.  I didn't realize that the little hose just attaches to the soap dispenser and that it builds up pressure as you use it, even when you don't squirt soap out.  You know what's going to happen.  I am sure you can see it a mile away.  I can't see anything at this point.  I just want this problem gone, NOW.  So I finish getting the water sucked up and take off the hose.  Then I pop off the soap attachment part not even thinking and BOOM pressurized liquid carpet cleaning soap covers my face and the top of my head.  I am literally dipping in soap.  When the soap is running down your forehead the only option is a shower of course.  (I just wanted to put my feet up....put my feet..up.)

7th - the apple pies burnt.  The apple pie part tasted fine itself, but it bubbled over to the point that I couldn't get the little jars off the foil on the cookie sheet.  I dumped them into a bowl and will start all over today.  Bonus in this particular problem is that the kids will be having apple pie for breakfast.

8th - the overly-baked, burned-on apple pie syrup had become razor sharp I found out after the fact.  I was trying to get the foil off the bottom of one of the jars and ended up cutting the top of my left pointer finger.  It was at that point I decided I was having a bad, bad day.

So I sang - I'm having a bad, bad day.  It's about time that I get my way.....

Then I laughed, sorta like a person who has lost their mind and sorta like a person who is punch drunk, and started singing...

Because I'm happy
Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof
Because I'm happy
Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth
Because I'm happy
Clap along if you know what happiness is to you
Because I'm happy
Clap along if you feel like that's what you wanna do

I never did put my feet up.  Today, as I get ready for the party tonight, I will keep my feet firmly planted on the ground and no where near "up".  Today is a happy day....because I'm happy.

How do the Wombless Bear Life?

Two hundred days since my old life came crashing down.  Two hundred days since an amazing team took out some pieces and put me back together again.  Two hundred days since I started my new life, wombless. (Yes, I know that is not a real word.)


Womb: n. 1. uterus 2. a place where something is generated

-less: adj. suffix 1. destitute of : not having (childless)  2. unable to be acted on or to act (in a specified way) (dauntless)

I was told I had undergone a hysterectomy as soon as I woke up in ICU.  I remember thinking something must have gone WAY wrong for that to happen.  I briefly touched the idea that I had no uterus and there would be no more babies.  Fast forward to a few days later and you would find me telling people I had a hysterectomy, but I was going to be fine.  Little voice in the back of my head screamed "No more babies."  Fast forward a few more days and you would find me crying my eyes out because for the first time I actually said "No more babies."  Anyone who knows me knows that is probably one of the hardest things I've ever said.  Had Darren and I made the decision to stop having children it would have been "No more babies," but with an accepted tone.  This was a more defeated tone, a more harsh reality tone, a more painful tone. I have not completely healed from that pain, but I have completely accepted it as reality.

Fast forward to a couple of months ago.  A random thought fills my soul, "You are wombless."  A uterus is a body part to me.  No different than a liver, a lung, a spine.  It is a part of what made me a woman.  It is just "medical" in my mind.  A womb is so much more.  It is like my loving heart or my everlasting soul.  It was me.  It was the place where my children were sheltered and lovingly carried for months. When I realized I have lost my womb I felt like a part of me was ripped out and crushed.

bear vb bore; borne also born; bearing: 1. carry 2. to be equipped with 3. to give as testimony <~witness to the fact of the case> 4. to give birth to; also produce, yield 5. endure, sustain <~pain> <bore the weight on piles>; also to exert pressure or influence 6. to go in an indicated direction <~to the right> - bearable adj - bearer n

How does the wombless bear life?  I realized that while my ability to carry a baby in my womb has been taken from me, the very best part of bearing life was left in tact.  The ability to bear the joy and sorrow of life in my heart is still very much there.

Every day I bear the load of motherhood.  I change the diapers (times two now), I cook the meals, do the laundry, and every other normal aspect of motherhood.  I carry out the responsibilities given to me when God gave me eight sweet children and a husband.  I feel like I am continuously bearing the pains of life when the children make it their duty to inform me exactly how many times I have failed in a day.  I am bearing the weight of those same children's struggles when I cannot find a way to help them. I bear life from morning to night to morning again and again.

I cannot help but wonder if God's gift to me was a hysterectomy.  Aside from the "you've almost died three times from pregnancy related problems" fact of my life, I am beginning to see this as a good thing.  How many willing mothers of large families continue to have babies even after their oldest has moved out?  How many of those same mothers have spent years changing diapers, possibly teaching their children, making thousands of meals, only to realize that they have missed out on key times in their older children's lives.  God has handed me those opportunities on a silver platter.  I have been given this gift in order to not miss out on my older children's final years under my care.

I am blessed.  I am very blessed.  God has given me another chance at life AND the knowledge of my value at this moment.  Bearing life has taken on a whole new meaning, a whole new importance to me.  I have been thrown into the next phase of life earlier than I expect, but at the same time I have been given this precious time in a way I would not have had in other circumstances.  This has been one of those "Ahh, yes," moments for me.  The only thing I can say to God is simply "Thank You."

Computer Excitement (Not Really)

I've been MIA thanks to my computer deciding to die once again.  We have ordered another computer so I am hoping I will be able to post more often.  I have been competing with the boys for the computer.  We use Teaching Textbooks for math so all four of the oldest boys have to use the computer during the day.  That leaves little time for me to snatch a moment.  Just when the computer is free is about the time I need to make supper, fold the laundry, feed a baby, and so on.

Saint Patrick's Day is coming up so we should have some exciting pictures to post then.  You know how much we love Saint Patrick in this house.

Lent is going well.  We have been staying on course for the most part.  There have been a few days where we have gotten off track, but we seem to jump right back into it the following day.

The snow is melting.  The weather is warming.  I think we can say we have made it through the worst of the winter season.

The twins are growing and learning new things.  Their favorite past time is blow bubbles.  I love, love, love it!  Especially when one of the older boys are holding the girls and spit lands on their faces.  You'd think they were covered in poison.  Kiara finally rolled over on her own last Saturday.  I haven't caught a picture of her yet as it seems like the camera is never handy when she makes it to her stomach.

I scheduled an essential oils introductory class for the end of this month.  I am a bit nervous, but excited at the same time.

The Christmas letter turned New Years letter was lost when the computer died the first time.  We are currently working on the Happy Easter letter, sigh.  We had pictures printed to send out to all of you as well.

That pretty much sums up our lives lately.  I have missed posting on here.  It does this tired mommy good to see the all the accomplishments and fun times in her family.  It also helps to compose my thoughts and type them out.  I hope to get back to regular posting when the new computer arrives and it doesn't feel like the Daytona 500 race for computer time.  (Yes, most days I do feel like I'm going in circles and never getting very far.)