Fourteen Year Run

Fourteen years ago we bought a crib.

One week ago it came down for good for the first time.

It has only been taken down to move to a new room or new house. 

It has always had a child in it.

I cried.

All my babies have slept in this bed.

There are no more babies.

I knew this day was coming, but it wasn't any easier than when I gave away my maternity clothes or all the baby clothes.  This actually felt a little worse.  I didn't realize how hard it was to let go of the crib being set up.  I didn't want it to be taken apart.  If I ignored that job then the crib could stay up and I wouldn't have to face the end.  The last piece of baby furniture in house.  The last sign of babies that have grown up into toddlers and teenagers.

An unexpected thing happened - where I thought I would be broken, I was healed.

After it was taken down and stacked in a corner of the garage, I had the chance to see what replaced that crib I had been holding on to.  We moved the kitchen set in the corner and made room for the little table for the twins.  Then I watched as the little girls laughed and smiled, ran around in excited skips and hops, and showed such happiness over having a new area in their room to play.  

I guess when the kids grow up the mommy has to grow with them.  I can't keep them babies forever or even under my roof forever. (I just might be the mom who tries though!)  I realized I literally can't hold on to the things of the past because it prevents me from living in the present.

This week has been just fine.  I haven't bawled my eyes out every night.  I showed myself that I am stronger than I think I am.  This is no promise that I won't cry like a baby when Blase moves out. 

Goals - 

 1. Intentional living in the present.

2. That occasional 'cause it feels good to make the pillow wet cry because no matter how many times I go through this letting go process - I still wonder why it had to be over so unexpectedly.  I still wonder how many more babies we would have had.  I still cry sometimes.

3. Thank God every day for my kids, for the new babies in other families, and for moments to grow closer to Him through my own small, pathetic attempts at suffering.

Father Son Fishing

A couple of weekends ago Darren took the four oldest boys ice fishing at Devil's Lake for two days.  They had a good time, except Stephen wasn't feeling well - thus the "I don't feel well" look in the pictures.

 Someone stopped by with a helicopter to check on fishing conditions.

The kids were so excited.

 YUMMY!

Monday, Monday

Febuary 22.

Monday.

You wake up.

You feel optimistic about how the day will go.

Then Monday kicks in.

The twins woke up with a mysterious rash that looked a lot like a cross between measles and roseola.  They didn't have a fever so I was confused.  Later in the afternoon they did get a slight fever so I'm guessing it was roseola.  They were not pleasant.  They were clingy.  They used up all our patience, by breakfast.

Then on our way to swimming lessons the van made a scary noise.  Then it made it again, the whole thing shook, and the wheel locked up.  I was still in our neighborhood, but I was in the middle of the road of what is, at best, a lane and a half.  So we had to suffer through that scary noise and the van shaking again before the wheel locked up on the railroad track.  Seriously! Monday, you are not my friend.  SOO, we cringed as we shook, rattled, but didn't really roll off the tracks and to the edge of the road.  The weather was just cold enough that I didn't want to send the kids to walk back to the house.  I was NOT walking on the ice and snow without putting this still-recovering knee is harm's way. We waited for not quite thirty minutes before Darren came to save us. In other words, he drove the half functioning front end vehicle with the shakes home while I drove the ever pleasant riding pickup.  Oh, what an ordeal. Darren called a repair shop, who was calling us a tow truck, and headed back to work.

 Not too long afterwards the tow truck showed up.

 Part of me was a bit worried about the outcome of this ordeal.

How much was it going to hurt the pocketbook?

How long was it going to take to fix?

Did we ruin it?

 Bye, bye Big Bertha!

Wait, wait - WAIT!!!  The front wheel was dragging, not rolling!  CRUD!!!

What are we going to do?  I'm thinking ruined tires, more problems, more money!

I called Darren so he could call the tow truck to tell him the front tire was not moving.  The guy didn't believe Darren at first, but we did see him turn around and pull it the other way.

The final diagnose was a bad wheel bearing on one side and a completely shot wheel bearing on the other side.  It was a quick fix and Big Bertha was back in our yard by the following afternoon.

Ok, so as if that isn't enough to deal with in one day - I had a pre-op appointment followed by a physical therapy appointment scheduled for that afternoon.  (Who was the idiot who scheduled THREE things on one day?!?!  Fire her.  Now.)  I called to cancel those two appointments and reschedule the pre-op to another day.  In the process of all of that the lady ended up cancelling my appointment the following Thursday as well without telling me.  Yes, I showed up for that appointment only to find out it was cancelled.  Ok...Thursday was a bit like another Monday.  That led to me rescheduling THAT appointment to this past Monday at lunchtime.  Then Friday rolled around and it hit me that we had swimming lessons until lunchtime and there was NO way we were getting there by the appointment time.  Will it ever end?  I cancelled that one as well.  I finally got to have my pre-op and pt appointments this afternoon.  Really, it shouldn't be that much work!

Pre-op.  

I keep throwing that word around like it's a common everyday experience.  It is.

I'm having another small, minor scope surgery next week to check to make sure everything is where it should be and that the cartilage is starting to grow.  This is nothing major and shouldn't cause any delays in my recovery.

 My recovery is going well.  I have gained a 115 degree or more range of motion and I am doing fairly well in my physical therapy. I am still dealing with a fair amount of pain in certain areas of the knee.  In fact, that area changes from time to time so I figure I only have so many areas to get through before I run out options.  I am also getting pretty good at forecasting the weather.  The screws are just kind of painful when the weather changes, almost unbearable when it blizzards.  I feel like just "that" much more of a freak now.

Monday.

You wake up.

Oh wait, it's Friday.

It can't be near as bad as Monday.