Another After Midnight Tale

Another After Midnight Tale

starring:

 Karen as the "Scaredy Cat"

two worthless dogs

two "gonna be dead" deer

If you recall, last May I had a blog post about an after midnight overreaction story.  

Here's the link in case you do not remember: An After Midnight Tale  

This tale begins right around Midnight.  I had just gotten out of a relaxing bath and was finishing my second glass of wine and starting on my second book for the night.  I read like a crazy person, in case you didn't know that.  So I'm sitting on my bed wondering when Darren was coming home.  He was over having a couple of beers with my cousins, Greg and Jason, a few doors down.

I'm completely enjoying this book when I hear crunching snow outside.  It sounded like footsteps near the window.  At first I'm thinking it is just snow falling off the roof or maybe a deer.  I'm not too worried at this point.  I go back to the reading the book and sipping on wine.  About ten minutes later I hear more footsteps and closer to the house.  I'm pretty sure someone is out there at this point.  Then.......then someone coughs.

I'm frozen.  My heart is pounding.  I'm convinced someone is outside my window.

So I grab my phone and text Darren:

12:00 - There are strange noises outside.  Footsteps, coughing noises.

12:00 - To the south and east of the house.

12:01 - Didn't sound loud enough to be the dogs.  Faint.

12:01 - Hurry

12:01 - Heard them again.

The footsteps were moving toward the back door.

So by this point I'm pretty sure we are all dead.  I'm starting to think of how I'm going to protect us.  My pistol and my shotgun are in storage.  I have no way of protecting the children OR myself.  So I'm formulating a plan of attack based on my new huge Pampered Chef pan.  I'm thinking all the options through.

Then I called Darren.  He's not answering.

Called again, right away.  Still no answer.

12:02 - Are you coming?

12:02 - I hope it is just deer.

It could be deer.  Really it could be deer.  The only thing is that the dogs in the basement usually growl or bark when there are deer in the yard.  They didn't make a noise.  Worthless dogs.  They had to pick that night of all nights to not bark.  If they had barked I would have knew it was deer and I wouldn't have panicked.  Of all the nights for them to finally listen to me when I've yelled over and over again - "Stop barking!  It's just deer."

Then I decide to call Greg.  Greg answers - poor man.

I asked him if Darren was there and he said that Darren had left two hours ago.

Okay - stop the story!

I'm gullible when I'm panicking.

Okay - back to the story!

For about point two seconds I believed Greg.  Greg is my favorite cousin ever.  He is Darren's age, so like a big brother to me.  This is why I believed Greg - but only for point two seconds.

Then Greg said Darren was there.  So I explained to Greg that I heard footsteps and coughing.  He did tell me he has heard deer cough before.  I calmed down a bit.  Greg asked if I wanted Darren to come over and check.  I said I didn't think he needed to now that I know deer cough like humans.  Then the deer came close enough to the door for the motion sensor to turn the light on.  Sure enough....two deer.  Stupid deer.  Dead deer if I had it my way.  So I told Greg I could see the deer and Darren could finish his beer if he wanted to.  I could tell Greg was trying not to laugh.  I was no where near laughing.

So I texted Darren again when I got off the phone.

12:10 - Damn deer.  Shoot the lot of them.  Thinking of throwing the whole collection of kitchen pans at them. Damn deer.

12:10 - I need my gun.  Tomorrow.  And my gun safe.  Tomorrow.

12:10 - Maybe the 20 guage too.

12:11 - Damn deer.

12:11 - If it wasn't so frickin' late this would be funny.

12:12 - Damn deer.

12:14 - Throw a snowball at any deer you see on the way home.

12:14 - Stupid deer.

So at this point I poured myself another glass of wine to calm down.

12:21 - Grrrrr.  Stupid deer.

12:22 - I hope you all had a good laugh.  It is laugh-worthy.

Darren said he had read all my texts to Jason and Greg.  I was informed that Greg did defend me a bit saying that the deer do sound like humans coughing.  See - that's why he's my favorite cousin.

Okay, I did for a moment think that maybe Darren was out there harassing me.

I did think that someone was coming to hurt us.

Instead it was just two cold, hungry deer looking for somewhere to bed down for the night and something to eat.  I overreacted.  I jumped to the worst case scenario.  These poor deer were the victims of my Pampered Chef pan swinging threats.  

Though - if you see two deer hanging in Greg's garage - I had nothing to do with it.  Remember, my guns are in storage.  And I'd never shoot a deer out of season, in town, by myself, in the middle of the night. Honest.

The End.