I have two homes.
I have an April, 1978 home and a December, 1978 home.
One home was built with love and care. The other home was built with love and care.
One home holds the earthly treasures of my family. The other home treasures my family.
One home is made of sticks and stones. The other home is made of flesh, bone, and a soul.
I have thought a lot about both homes over the past month.
When you sell a house things get turned upside down. Boxes that you normally overlook get shoved into an attic or a crawl space. Piles that gathered 6 months worth of dust get dusted off and finally put away. We do all of this so that someone else will come into our home, see it, and want to buy the place. Why don't we do that any other time?? Why is good enough any other day, good enough?
When company comes over you can pick up that pile of papers and hide them in a drawer or closet. You cannot really do that when movers are coming to your house to pack all your piles into boxes. You tend to want to find some organizational peace among all that madness so that you can find it again when you move to your new home.
If you have been to our house you know that I am an organizational freak. Heavy on freak. Most everything has a place and that THING better be in its place most of the time. I'm not a clean freak, just an organizational freak. I don't mind fingerprints on the windows, juice splatters on the floor for a day, clean laundry in the basket, or toys all over. I do mind books thrown on the couch when there is a basket for them 5 feet away. I do mind dirty socks and shirts on the bedroom floor when there is a hamper in EVERY closet. I do mind coats and hats littering the coat room when there are hooks on the wall labeled with everyone's name and picture (in case you don't know how to read your name yet). Everything from dresser drawers to toy totes are labeled. Do you need to borrow a 3T boy's shirt while you are here? Give me 3 minutes and I could find one for you. Need a box of crayons? I could send you to a closet and you could find them yourself because everything is labeled.
This brings me to my other house. Me. I am not as much of an organizational freak with myself as I am with my sticks and stones home. As a faithful, practicing Catholic I make it a point to go to confession once every two months or sooner. When you go to confession you examine your conscience to find the faults you have committed. There are some sins that just jump out at you. They are like a big red couch in the living room - you can't miss them. Others are harder to see because you have either downplayed their importance or you grown accustomed to seeing them. They are like those boxes I moved to the attic. I don't see them because they are always there. I don't mind them because they are really not bothering anything.
When I started moving boxes and going through piles I began to feel like this move was suppose to teach me something. The obvious answer is that it is teaching me to stay in one spot for more than four years. The obvious answer was not to real answer that kept whispering in my ear. I kept feeling like this was a spiritual lesson. I cleaned this house from top to bottom. I even cleaned the attic before I moved things in there. I looked through boxes and piles to sort through important items and long forgotten junk. I put away books we weren't using and gave away those once upon a time treasures that had gathered more than their fair share of dust. With every box and pile I felt like I was cleaning the wrong home.
Examining your conscience is like walking through every room and seeing what is really in there. For many years I have treated my soul no different than I have treated my sticks and stones home. I have looked through the boxes.. When company comes I have hid the ugly piles. Instead of tackling my weaknesses I have held on to them hoping that I will some day find the time to deal with them. That's no different than all those boxes of things waiting for a purpose in my attic right now.
This spiritual lesson I am learning is that I need to dig a little deeper in my soul. I need to clean the spider webs, dust off the shelves, and mop the floors in my soul. I cleaned my sticks and stones home so that someone would want to buy it. I wanted them to feel comfortable in my home so that they would want to stay. How often do I try to make my soul Christ friendly? I want Our Lord to come into my soul, see the beauty, and stay. Yet when He comes I clean only what is visible on the outside. How many times have you opened someone's drawers to see what they are hiding? Our Lord sees all. He does not need to open the drawers in my soul to see that I am hiding my weaknesses from the rest of you. He knows that I yell at my kids. He knows that I am prone to anger more than peace when I am grumpy. He knows the people in my life that I cannot stand and why I cannot stand them. Do you know all of that? I may be able to hid things from you, but I cannot hide them from God.
Who would have thought that moving could be such a spiritual experience? Next time you head to confession - look for a pile or a box in your soul that has been long forgotten or overlooked. Pray for me as I spiritually clean my soul with as much dedication as I clean my sticks and stones home.
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